Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others.
~ Thomas Jefferson

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Black (not African-American) Humor

Facing the end of the great experiment called the United States of America with a little panache requires some humor. Considering the situation, belly laughs are probably inappropriate, but a little black humor - redolent with the fragrance of cynicism - might be in order.

I just came across a web site called "Yer Ol' Woodpile Report" by ol' Remus (h/t to Colonel Bunny at Washington Rebel). In it, ol' Remus writes of some future press releases from the ACLU that tickled my funny bone.

Chicago is probably the front runner in the respect they already pay to the rights of those who have gone before us, both the recently dead and those who have moldered in the grave for many years - especially their right to vote.

California and Massachusetts have been trying for years to insure that creatures unrecognizable by the rest of us as normal human beings can enjoy the right to plumb each others most nether regions, consume each others waste, and shower beneath the colorful effluent of their partner's kidneys, sanctified by marriage*, as well as the right of people of all religions (as long as your religion happens to be the Religion of Peace. Other religions need not apply) to decide not only what age is acceptable for sexual activity (see "Islam - Poking Fun At Babies"), but what species are acceptable (again, see "Islam - Camels and Goats and Beardless Boys, Oh My").

Finally, a long-neglected segment of society requires the freedom to worship their ancestors and the freshly deceased in the same fashion as the rest of us enjoy in both the heterosexual and homosexual fashions, but have been deprived of for so many years (with the possible exceptions of undertakers, medical examiners, and a few of the guys over in Graves Registration).

Ol' Remus says the ACLU is moving to secure these rights nationwide:

Actuarial Equality

Many Americans are born dead, even more die within their lifetime, yet the deceased are far too often treated as second class citizens, shunned and segregated by physical barriers and social stereotypes. They are discriminated against in employment, schools and housing, robbed of their personal autonomy, sometimes even hidden away and forgotten by the larger society. By and large, the dead continue to be excluded from the American dream. The ACLU continues to fight for the civil rights of the deceased under the Really Severely Disabled Americans Act.

Trans Species Rights

The ACLU is proud to join with PETA to defend demand full marriage rights for people wishing to partner with pets, farm animals or microorganisms. Sharing life with another species, understanding and accepting yourself, being able to work, to build a herd or covey, and to be a valued member of society are all essential parts of human life. Relationships, parenting, species identity, schools, job discrimination: full equality in each of these things is an important goal.

Necrophilian Rights

For much of American history, indeed, for much of world history, necrophilia has been a taboo subject. Often, it has been considered a crime in itself. Yet today, millions of necrophilian Americans are not only open about their sexuality, they are campaigning for new laws which they say would grant them the same rights accorded to other differently-oriented people, including protection against discrimination at the scenes of fatal accidents and the right to practice their alternative lifestyle in the military at the front lines of active combat. The ACLU is at the forefront of the Give Me Liberty And Give Me Death movement.

Joining ACLU in working dilligently to secure these rights for our citizens is the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), whose central figures - Morris Dees, Joseph R. Levin, Jr. and J. Richard Cohen (aren't these the guys that wrote "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy" aka The Yankee Doodle Boy?) - are the poster boys for the groups who wish to exercise all three of these rights. If my information is correct, they have been practicing them on each other for some time now.

* I have to admit I am not a homophobe (I don't fear gays, and even grrrls don't make me cry, unless they get up on their hind legs and bark along with those big dogs on the porch - then they scare the pants off me ;-), nor do I hate them (couldn't find an antonym for -philia, Greek for "like" or "love". "Phobia" means "fear", which isn't applicable.) I simply find some of their practices - and those who practice them - completely disgusting and without any socially redeemable value. I hope my gay friends forgive me, but they already knew I was weird.

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Sorry, folks. I was completely ignorant about comment rules. Anyone can post, but I'd prefer a name, even if it is made up. Anonymous posts just seem cheap, if you know what I mean. Also, if you want to argue a point, that's fine. Cheap shots and name calling towards me or another person commenting (ad hominem) is rude and will get you banned. Other than that, I'd love to get some comments.